omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
