I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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