Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
