kristin has been a bad kristin
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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