OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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