Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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