When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am spending my child support on dildos
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
