i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
