My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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