i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
