I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize