she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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