How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
