lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
