yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
