i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
