god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think my cat just said my name.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
