Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
