I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
