went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
