I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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