he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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