I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
