I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
