nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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