My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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