I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
