You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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