They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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