I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
