Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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