you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
