just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
