Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize