Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
