even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
