She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
