she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
