Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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