i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
