Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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