Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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