Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
