You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
