just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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