i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
