i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
