Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
