I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
