Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
