yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
