I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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