hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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