FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
