The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
