I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
