I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm both gender and math confused
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
