i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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