he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize