Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Boobs are out for the taking
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
