so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
